


101 Things That Hawke Is Not Allowed To Do, Ever (Under Any Circumstances)

by loudscreaming



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Ficlets, Gen, Red-Purple Hawke, Swearing, annoying major leaders, kirkwall crew shenanigans, punching demons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-15 04:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12313737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudscreaming/pseuds/loudscreaming
Summary: A list compiled by Aveline, taken from personal experiences.





	1. Number One

**Author's Note:**

> These stories are going to be pretty short drabbles. The Hawke in this story is a mage.

**1\. PUNCH A DEMON IN THE FACE**

The demon was really  _pissing_ Hawke off right now. 

It's voice, slow and low-pitched like many demons, grated on her nerves intensely, and the smugness it displayed made her free hand twitch into a fist at her side. Aveline noticed this, and gave her a disapproving, warning look that she prayed to the Maker that her friend would refrain from actually  _punching the demon_. Varric looked over at her, and raised a brow. She made a jabbing motion to Hawke's hand. The dwarf looked like he was about to burst out laughing at any minute. 

"I am the only chance you have to escape this place," the demon continues. "I can give you the key that will open the door to your freedom. What do you say... Hawke?"

That seems to trip something in Hawke. It seemed a blur as Aveline rushed forward to grab at her arm before she could make one of the most stupid decisions of her entire life, but she was too late. The mage's arm swung forward and hit the demon square in the face. Time seemed to slow. Hawke swore, shaking her hand in pain. Her hand was red and bruising already, from where she punched the hard stone. Anders would have to fix that, but for now, she had a demon to fight. 

"Why are you like this, Hawke?"   
  
Aveline's voice was exasperated, although it was almost drowned out by the shocked yell of Anders, followed by Varric's loud cheer of ' _holy shit_ '. Carver simply pressed a hand to his forehead, as if this was a totally normal thing to do. 

 The profane came rushing from all sides, and the hunger demon attacked. Aveline just barely blocked the heavy rock arm coming down for her head, but heard the sickening crunch in her shield. 

 _Damn Hawke,_ she thought.  _That was a nice shield, too._

Not that she wished that Hawke had made a deal with the demon - of course not - but  _punching_ it might have gone a bit far. 

She made a mental note to make a list when and if she returned from the Deep Roads. It would be a list she would give to Hawke, and at the top, underlined, would be ' _don't punch a demon in the face_ '. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**2\. Setting the Gallows on fire**

 

Aveline had realized, soon into the creation of her list, that most of the things written down would involve violence of some sort.

She'd been following Hawke around when a discussion with a Templar had rubbed her the wrong way, and as they traveled up and down the Wounded Coast, she heatedly ranted about how she was going to set the Gallows on fire. The entire thing was in great detail, and it occurred to the guardswoman that Hawke might actually do it, given the opportunity. After all, the Starkhaven Circle had gone up in flames. 

"But you can't set fire to stone, can you?" Merrill asked, genuinely curious. "I've never tried."  
  
The breath Aveline wasn't aware she was holding released. Of course. 

"I'm a mage, aren't I?" Hawke answered, and Aveline could tell Hawke was somewhat angry under the sarcasm. Her brother's departure had affected her more than she would have her friends believe, clearly. "Apparently we've doomed the world. Why  _can't_ I set stone on fire?"

"Well that doesn't make any sense," Merrill answered, missing the sarcasm. "Magic can't do  _that_ much!

 Despite her irritability, Aveline saw Hawke smile slightly. 

"No, Merrill," she answered, her voice calmer. "I'm just being bitter."

"Oh. Well, that makes sense then."

Aveline went back to her office after she wasn't needed, and grabbed the list that she'd started after the return from the Deep Roads. Quickly, she scrawled under the first entry 'Setting the Gallows on fire'. Even if Hawke wouldn't listen, it was a calming ritual anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not 100% happy with this one but oh well.


	3. 3. Number Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for going AWOL school happened.

**3: SASS THE ARISHOK**

 

It was surprising enough that the Arishok had asked for Hawke by name. 

Aveline understood why she was brought along - if there was trouble, a city guard ought to be prepared to face it. Or, perhaps, Hawke just wanted a meatshield. That seemed equally, if not more, likely. After all, mages weren't particularly renowned for their strong defenses. 

However, she didn't understand why Hawke was now standing, in the middle of a compound full of  _very much armed, pissed of Qunari_ , and sassing their leader. She knew her friend was sarcastic - that much had been apparent since they'd first met and she'd asked the witch if she could become a dragon, of all things. However, now was not the time. She hoped the holes she was glaring into the woman's back would alert her of that. 

They didn't, and she continued to speak as flippantly as ever. Aveline looked around at the others. Anders looked somewhat concerned, and his eyes were fixated on the big, sharp dual weapons the Arishok carried. Varric, however, looked almost excited - this would probably be great fodder for one of his stories. 

_And then Hawke said something that pissed the Arishok off **so** much, we all had to run from the compound with those spears stuck in our asses. _

Fortunately, the Arishok seemed more concerned with the fact Hawke actually  _liked_ the chaos in Kirkwall. Of course she did. Hawke was someone who thrived off chaos - it was easier to blend in, and slip past the notice of suspicious folk. In addition, it also seemed to turn up more gold. 

When they all walked out of the compound alive, Aveline was shocked. She debated lecturing Hawke about manners, and what  _not_ to say to incredibly powerful leaders, but it would be useless. 

She looked annoyed enough, anyway. 


End file.
